<$BlogRSDUrl$> The Cyberactivist

Behind the scenes of the fight for the protection of animals and workers and the preservation of the environment - my experiences as a Tyson slaughterhouse hanger/killer turned activist. Exposing the evils of factory farming, by Virgil Butler. If you have arrived here looking for the Tyson stories, view the early archives. Some of them are now featured on the sidebar for easy searching.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

More of My Personal Story, Part Three 

To become desensitized to anything is a gradual process punctuated by episodes of shock and abject horror.

Learning to kill was just such an experience. By saying killing by this time, I mean the killing of tens of thousands of chickens every night, or at least all of the ones I could catch that the killing machine missed (and that varied a lot night by night). Sometimes the killing machine broke down altogether, but that didn't stop the line. On Oct. 15, 2003 in the early archives, there is a post called, "Bloodbath," if you want to read what this was like.

At fist, I could barely stand it when I first started working at the slaughter plant. I even became physically ill on many occasions. But, with each throat I cut I became a little more desensitized until they became just another bird who missed the machine.

My point in going through all of this with you is that it didn't happen overnight or really out of any kind of choice as I saw it at the time.

I needed a steady job. That's what this was. It may have been messy and very undesirable, but hey, I was a man, and a man did what a man had to do.

So, I killed chickens by night and slowly but surely began to loathe myself by day.

This led to all sorts of psychological problems that I will expand on later.

At least I am addressing them now and doing something about it. I may have come a long way since then, but I am far from "fixed."

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be...
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